Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Friday, July 22, 2016

Buying Love Update

Buying Love Chapter 81 Update on FicPad

Buying Love Chapter 81 Update on AO3

Buying Love Chapter 81 Update on FFn

Buying Love Chapter 81 Update on TWCS

It was close to nine by the time Carlisle and I finished wrapping our presents. We both were pretty awful. After going through a full roll of wrapping paper, all of it crap, Carlisle drove to a nearby Walgreens and cleaned them out of gift bags and tissue paper.

That was significantly easier, thank you very much.

Placing our bags underneath the tree, Bella, Rose, Carmen, and my mom were all at Bella’s dining room table, laughing and gabbing away. “I think that security is going to be called,” Carlisle deadpanned. “Your cackling can be heard in the lobby.”

“Stop it,” Bella giggled, holding her side. “I think your cursing the wrapping paper could be heard throughout the hotel. How long did you wait before you crumbled?”

“I know where you live, Isabella Marie,” Carlisle warned. “Are we ready for tomorrow?”

“Almost,” Rose replied. “There’s one more thing that I need to get and I’m picking it up tomorrow morning. Bella ordered a delicious feast.”

“But, I’m making my famous spice cookies and homemade egg nog,” Mom smiled. “I wanted to do more, but Bella said that we needed to enjoy Christmas and not work during Christmas.”

“It’s true. The past few months have sucked. Not gonna lie,” Bella said, sweeping her mess of curls into a ponytail. “I want us to bond as a family, because that’s what we are. A family. No cooking, no stressing, just talking, having fun and exchanging gifts.”

“But, part of the Christmas experience is the cooking and the stressing,” Mom laughed.

“You can do that next year, Elizabeth,” Bella replied, hugging her. “This year, let me spoil you all. Okay?”

Mom kissed Bella’s cheek and got up stiffly. Rose helped her to her feet and guided to where Carlisle and I were standing. Mom looked up at me, wary and unsure. I pushed my anger behind me and I hugged her. “I’m looking forward to your cookies, Mom. They were my favorite.”

“I’m making them just for you, my swe …” she said, cutting abruptly. “My Edward.” She hugged me as tightly as she could, which wasn’t very tight. I kissed her forehead, feeling her shudder against me. “I love you, baby. So much.”

“Love you too, Mom,” I replied. Rose took her hand and they left with Carlisle and Carmen. Bella was bustling around, cleaning up the snacks on the dining room table, along with the mess surrounding it. “It looks like a Christmas ornament exploded in here!”

“We had a little too much fun with the wrapping paper,” Bella giggled. “Your mom told us some stories of you when you were a kid.”


“Not the chimney story,” I groaned, grabbing the garbage can. 








Monday, March 28, 2016

Buying Love Update

Buying Love Chapter 53 Update on FicPad

Buying Love Chapter 53 Update on AO3

Buying Love Chapter 53 Update on FFn

Buying Love Chapter 53 Update on TWCS

“I also checked on Carlisle. That man could wake the dead with his snoring.”

“I’ll get him. Do you want some coffee?” I asked.

“I can get it,” he replied, walking to the kitchen to make himself a cup.

I nodded, walking to Carlisle’s room. He was snoring, sawing logs with the obnoxious sounds coming from his mouth. His chest was bare and I could see the scar from the gunshot wound on his torso and the other near his hip. “That cannot be human,” I grumbled, tugging the pillow from underneath Carlisle’s head. His snoring faltered, but resumed as he rolled onto his stomach, revealing his naked ass. “Oh, gross!” I wailed. Using the pillow, I smacked his head. “Cullen! Get your naked ass up! Don’t you own any pajamas?”

“Up in your dad’s suite, you brat,” Carlisle said, shooting me a withering glare. “What the fuck are you doing? Waking me up at the crack of dawn?”

“It’s seven, Carlisle,” I said. “I’m going to court in an hour …”

“Oh, right,” he replied, scrubbing his face. He started shuffling to get up. I turned on my heel, not wanting to see Carlisle’s junk. The man was like a father figure to me and I’d definitely be scarred for life if I saw Carlisle’s family jewels. I sat down at the dining room table, next to Edward.

“Everything okay?” he asked, putting down his coffee mug.

“Carlisle ... Naked ... Saw ... Ass?” I squeaked.

“Carlisle saw your ass?” Edward chuckled.

“No, I saw his,” I whimpered. “It was so white and droopy.”

“MY ASS IS NOT DROOPY!” Carlisle bellowed from his room.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

Buying Love Teaser

I got up, leaving him in the bedroom. I made enough oatmeal for Edward, Carlisle and me, setting the table in the dining room.

Edward hobbled out to the dining room. His hair was damp and his face not marred with pillow wrinkles. “Did you shower?” I asked. “Your stitches …”

“I used the detachable shower head to wash my hair. If I don’t attack it first thing in the morning, it has a mind of its own,” he chuckled, blushing. “I also checked on Carlisle. That man could wake the dead with his snoring.”

“I’ll get him. Do you want some coffee?” I asked.

“I can get it,” he replied, walking to the kitchen to make himself a cup.

I nodded, walking to Carlisle’s room. He was snoring, sawing logs with the obnoxious sounds coming from his mouth. His chest was bare and I could see the scar from the gunshot wound on his torso and the other near his hip. “That cannot be human,” I grumbled, tugging the pillow from underneath Carlisle’s head. His snoring faltered, but resumed as he rolled onto his stomach, revealing his naked ass. “Oh, gross!” I wailed. Using the pillow, I smacked his head. “Cullen! Get your naked ass up! Don’t you own any pajamas?”

“Up in your dad’s suite, you brat,” Carlisle said, shooting me a withering glare. “What the fuck are you doing? Waking me up at the crack of dawn?”

“It’s seven, Carlisle,” I said. “I’m going to court in an hour …”

“Oh, right,” he replied, scrubbing his face. He started shuffling to get up. I turned on my heel, not wanting to see Carlisle’s junk. The man was like a father figure to me and I’d definitely be scarred for life if I saw Carlisle’s family jewels. I sat down at the dining room table, next to Edward.

“Everything okay?” he asked, putting down his coffee mug.

“Carlisle ... Naked ... Saw ... Ass?” I squeaked.

“Carlisle saw your ass?” Edward chuckled.

“No, I saw his,” I whimpered. “It was so white and droopy.”

“MY ASS IS NOT DROOPY!” Carlisle bellowed from his room. 

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Buying Love Teaser

“I’ll be happy when I don’t have this crushing feeling against my chest,” Jared said as his face relaxed. “Thank you for the food. My neighbors have been helping me in buying groceries, but my pantry is a bit barren.”

“When I drive you back, I’ll take you shopping, Jared,” Carlisle said. “I know what it’s like to be recuperating from an injury. Hell, I still am.”

“That’s because you refused to go to physical therapy, Carlisle,” I chided.

“That shit’s for pansies,” he scoffed. “I know what I need to do, thank you very much.”

“And do you do it?” I pressed.

“No. It hurts too much,” Carlisle shrugged.

“Exactly and that’s why you still have a limp, you idiot,” I snorted. Carlisle gave me the finger. “He used to work for the Seattle Police Department but was shot in the line of duty.”

“I had two choices after I was shot,” Carlisle explained. “Take a desk job in the district or retire. I chose to retire. I’m not cut out for sitting behind a desk. It’s too fucking boring.”

“Language!” I admonished.


“No worries,” Jared laughed. “Marcus had quite the potty mouth, in various different languages. His preferred tongue to curse in was Italian. With his temper, I learned how to berate someone in Italian, German, French and Mandarin Chinese.”

Aro Volturi

Marcus Volturi