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After a family photo in front of the tree, Christmas Eve dinner was a rousing success. Everyone enjoyed the meal that I had catered up to my penthouse suite. We sang Christmas songs, drank egg nog, had a white-elephant gift exchange and bonded as a strangely disjointed family. It was a total Norman Rockwell moment, complete with two ex-escorts, a cop, a retired cop, a US attorney, a couple of gay men, a reformed nun and Rose.

She wasn’t the reformed nun. Uncle Peter’s date, Sophia, she joined a convent when she was eighteen but decided to leave at twenty-two because of the whole celibacy thing. I wasn’t surprised. She was gorgeous with long black hair and violet eyes. Too pretty to be a nun, if you ask me. But, that was a long time ago and she was obviously smitten with my uncle.

After Christmas Eve, everyone went to their hotel rooms. There was a little too much nog in everyone’s systems, except for Edward, Jasper and me. I didn’t want anyone to drive. Edward and I were on the couch, curled up underneath a warm blanket, staring at the gorgeous Christmas tree. “Today was a lot of fun,” he said, idly playing with my hair. “I think the best thing was when Carlisle had to imitate having a baby for that movie in charades.”

“Oh, Knocked Up,” I giggled. “I thought he was going to pop a vein with all of the pushing and grunting he was doing.”

“And it didn’t help that he farted, stinking up the whole place,” Edward laughed. “But, it was a memorable moment and probably the best time I’ve had on Christmas since my dad passed.”

“I feel the same way, except it since my mom died,” I sighed, kissing Edward’s palm. “It’s nice to feel like I belong to a family again. The holidays were always so dark and depressing for me. Dad always worked and the only other person I hung out with was Rose. She usually was fucking some random guy to get her holiday cheer.”

“Esme would occasionally have a Christmas party,” Edward murmured. “It was probably the most normal I’d ever seen her. She loved the holidays, but most of us usually had to work because with the holidays came holiday parties. Last Christmas, I was on the arm of an older woman, a socialite at some charity banquet. The Christmas before, I was in Esme’s torture chamber, making sure that Esme got her holiday cheer while all I wanted to do was shove a lump of coal up her ass.”

“Ouch,” I snorted. 

Edward's Present to Carlisle spelling out 'Cullen'

Edward's Present to Elizabeth

Edward's Present to Rose

Edward's present to Uncle Peter

Edward's Present to Bella, to match her birthday necklace

Soft slippers from Edward to Bella

Inscription for Edward's cuffs from Bella
Keeper of my Soul

&

Holder of my Heart

Edward's cuffs

Edward's new journal from Bella

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It was just before Christmas and I was cleared to go home.

Finally.

I could have gone home sooner, but I caught a cold, which turned into an upper-respiratory infection and then turned into bronchitis, morphing into pneumonia. My immune system was shot because of the damage to my lung. I lost nearly two weeks of recovery time because I was chained to my bed with my oxygen and nebulizer. The doctor even went so far as suggesting intubating me, but I adamantly refused. That meant being put under again and no. Not gonna happen.

After that, I had to start from scratch for everything. Despite the fact that Embry came in to work with me on my leg exercises in my room, I still lost most of the momentum I’d gained from being at the rehabilitation hospital.

Though, when I did walk my one hundred yards, unassisted, I felt so proud. It was even better than when I got my master’s degree. However, at the end of my walk, Edward whooped and scooped me in his arms, hugging me so tightly, murmuring that he loved me. I broke down in tears, clinging to him. He sat down on one of the instruments of torture in the gym, holding me in his lap. “No crying, bellissima,” he cooed, wiping my tears away. “This is a good thing. You get to go home, now.”

“But, where’s home?” I whispered.

“What do you mean?” he replied.

I sobered up, noticing that everyone had left. Carlisle and Rose had been there, cheering me on, but obviously gave me some privacy to talk to Edward. “I don’t feel comfortable staying at the hotel, Edward. With the situation with my dad and all.”

“Where could you go?” Edward asked, his hand gently rubbing my back.

“I don’t own any property. The house from my marriage, Riley got to keep it since I had always planned on staying in the penthouse at Swan Towers,” I sighed. “I can’t exactly go out and search for a house. That hundred yards kicked my ass.”

“Also, keep in mind that you’re going to be testifying for the grand jury next week,” Edward gently reminded me. “Bella, as far as you know, your father is still on the other side of the world, scoping out locations for his next new luxury resort. That doesn’t make it right. He should be here for you. If he loved you as much as he said he did, he would have never left, despite your suggestion.”

“You’re so fucking intelligent,” I said, leaning my head against his shoulder. “How did you get to be so smart?”

“I’m not smart, Bella. I just speak from the heart,” he shrugged. 

Buying Love Teaser

It was just before Christmas and I was cleared to go home.

Finally.

I could have gone home sooner, but I caught a cold, which turned into an upper-respiratory infection and then turned into bronchitis, morphing into pneumonia. My immune system was shot because of the damage to my lung. I lost nearly two weeks of recovery time because I was chained to my bed with my oxygen and nebulizer. The doctor even went so far as suggesting intubating me, but I adamantly refused. That meant being put under again and no. Not gonna happen.

After that, I had to start from scratch for everything. Despite the fact that Embry came in to work with me on my leg exercises in my room, I still lost most of the momentum I’d gained from being at the rehabilitation hospital.

Though, when I did walk my one hundred yards, unassisted, I felt so proud. It was even better than when I got my master’s degree. However, at the end of my walk, Edward whooped and scooped me in his arms, hugging me so tightly, murmuring that he loved me. I broke down in tears, clinging to him. He sat down on one of the instruments of torture in the gym, holding me in his lap. “No crying, bellissima,” he cooed, wiping my tears away. “This is a good thing. You get to go home, now.”

“But, where’s home?” I whispered.

“What do you mean?” he replied.

I sobered up, noticing that everyone had left. Carlisle and Rose had been there, cheering me on, but obviously gave me some privacy to talk to Edward. “I don’t feel comfortable staying at the hotel, Edward. With the situation with my dad and all.”

“Where could you go?” Edward asked, his hand gently rubbing my back.

“I don’t own any property. The house from my marriage, Riley got to keep it since I had always planned on staying in the penthouse at Swan Towers,” I sighed. “I can’t exactly go out and search for a house. That hundred yards kicked my ass.”

“Also, keep in mind that you’re going to be testifying for the grand jury next week,” Edward gently reminded me. “Bella, as far as you know, your father is still on the other side of the world, scoping out locations for his next new luxury resort. That doesn’t make it right. He should be here for you. If he loved you as much as he said he did, he would have never left, despite your suggestion.”

“You’re so fucking intelligent,” I said, leaning my head against his shoulder. “How did you get to be so smart?”

“I’m not smart, Bella. I just speak from the heart,” he shrugged. 

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After two weeks in the hospital in Port Angeles, I was transferred to a private rehabilitation hospital in Seattle. Every day I grew stronger, but it was a struggle. Every step of the way, though, Edward was with me. He supported me when I sobbed in pain from my muscles rebuilding in my legs. He was my cheerleader when I took my first unassisted steps. He caught me when I fell, which was quite often. He let me rage when I went off on my dad, who did take my advice and flew back Phuket.

He really did care more about his precious business than his own fucking daughter.

Asshole.

Uncle Peter stepped up, only after flying to Phuket to kick Charlie’s ass. He proudly said that he snapped my dad’s wrist.

To say my relationship with my father was damaged was an understatement. I never thought he’d be so cruel to me or to anyone I cared about. He was really so image-driven that me being injured and possibly paralyzed might negatively impact people coming to Swan Hotels and the bottom line. And don’t get me started on me being in love with an escort.

He was the one who pushed me toward getting an escort in the first place with his stupid reasoning that I needed a date for the opening of Swan Towers. If anything, he’s the one to blame, god damn it!

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I was released from the hospital the day following Charlie’s explosion. I went directly to Bella’s side and I sat next to her for an hour, begging for forgiveness. However, it felt wrong for me to be there. I was not her family. I was this parasite and she didn’t need that. I kissed her temple, murmuring my love for her and I left the hospital. I started walking, ending up at a marina.

“Fancy seeing you here,” said a male voice. I turned around, seeing Peter smoking a cigarette. “Carlisle said that you had been released, but I figured that you’d be with Bella.”

“I’m not family. I have no right to be there,” I said.

“Fucking Charlie,” Peter snapped. “You are as much a part of our family as I am.” He walked toward me, tossing the cigarette onto the ground. “I love my brother, but he tends to talk out of his ass when he’s emotional. He knew what you had endured and yet, he still attacked. I’m so sorry.”

I shrugged. “I need to learn to deal with it,” I whispered. “I’m not good for her.”

“Bullshit,” Peter said. “I remember seeing you two at the opening of Swan Towers. My niece had a light in her eyes that I hadn’t seen in years, since her mother passed away. And there was something about you that seemed linked to her.”

“But, you know what happened to me and what my life was. I was a whore,” I spat. “Women used me, abused me and I got paid for it.”

“Edward, I know why you did it and it wasn’t because you had a choice. Esme, she forced you,” Peter replied. “But, I can say that until I’m blue in the face and it won’t make a lick of difference until you actually believe it, Edward. Do you love my niece?”

“With my entire heart,” I said. “But, I’m not go …”

“You are good enough. You’re a loving, kind man, despite all that happened to you. Yes, you’re dealing with a lot of bullshit right now, but we’re all in your corner. Charlie will come around. If he doesn’t, I’ll kick his ass,” Peter snorted, winking at me.

“Why do all of you believe in me?” I asked. “I can’t even believe in myself.”

“Because you’re still alive and here, Edward. You could have curled up and given up, but you didn’t. You fought your way out, with a little help from a spitfire named Bella,” Peter said. “Now, let’s get you back inside. I only came out here since I wanted a smoke. It’s freezing out here!”

Uncle Peter Swan

Edward Masen

Port Angeles Marina

Buying Love Teaser

I was released from the hospital the day following Charlie’s explosion. I went directly to Bella’s side and I sat next to her for an hour, begging for forgiveness. However, it felt wrong for me to be there. I was not her family. I was this parasite and she didn’t need that. I kissed her temple, murmuring my love for her and I left the hospital. I started walking, ending up at a marina.

“Fancy seeing you here,” said a male voice. I turned around, seeing Peter smoking a cigarette. “Carlisle said that you had been released, but I figured that you’d be with Bella.”

“I’m not family. I have no right to be there,” I said.

“Fucking Charlie,” Peter snapped. “You are as much a part of our family as I am.” He walked toward me, tossing the cigarette onto the ground. “I love my brother, but he tends to talk out of his ass when he’s emotional. He knew what you had endured and yet, he still attacked. I’m so sorry.”

I shrugged. “I need to learn to deal with it,” I whispered. “I’m not good for her.”

“Bullshit,” Peter said. “I remember seeing you two at the opening of Swan Towers. My niece had a light in her eyes that I hadn’t seen in years, since her mother passed away. And there was something about you that seemed linked to her.”

“But, you know what happened to me and what my life was. I was a whore,” I spat. “Women used me, abused me and I got paid for it.”

“Edward, I know why you did it and it wasn’t because you had a choice. Esme, she forced you,” Peter replied. “But, I can say that until I’m blue in the face and it won’t make a lick of difference until you actually believe it, Edward. Do you love my niece?”

“With my entire heart,” I said. “But, I’m not go …”

“You are good enough. You’re a loving, kind man, despite all that happened to you. Yes, you’re dealing with a lot of bullshit right now, but we’re all in your corner. Charlie will come around. If he doesn’t, I’ll kick his ass,” Peter snorted, winking at me.

“Why do all of you believe in me?” I asked. “I can’t even believe in myself.”

“Because you’re still alive and here, Edward. You could have curled up and given up, but you didn’t. You fought your way out, with a little help from a spitfire named Bella,” Peter said. “Now, let’s get you back inside. I only came out here since I wanted a smoke. It’s freezing out here!”

Buying Love Update

First off, before I post the update, I wanted to apologize for the drop off in updates. This weekend marked the one year anniversary of my mother's passing. I wanted to spend the weekend remembering her and celebrating her life. I miss her more than words can express, but focusing my thoughts on her this weekend helped. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Now, with further ado ...

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I watched as Edward fell apart. He was curled up in a little ball as Peter screamed at Charlie. And when he slumped onto the ground, his eyes shut and his body trembling in abject fear. Turning to them, I screamed, “Will both of you shut the fuck up! We’re going to get kicked out by security and I need some help.”

Peter smacked Charlie’s head and crouched down to where Edward was in a heap. “I hope you’re happy, Charlie. You know what happened to him. Rose told you in explicit detail what this young man went through. Yet, you still got in his face. You still hurt him. If Bella was awake, she’d tear you a new asshole,” Peter sneered.

“It was because of him that she’s here!” Charlie snapped.

“No, Charlie. It’s not. She made the decision to go after Esme on her own,” I said calmly, placing Edward’s head in my lap. I tenderly ran my fingers through his hair. “If you can’t handle him being here, then you may need to back off, Charlie. She loves him.”

“But, my little girl,” Charlie sniffled. “She’s fighting for her life. I cannot walk away.”

“Neither can he,” I said. “He would do anything for her. He would die for her, but he’s already beating himself up about what went down. However, he faced the monster that tortured him for ten years, Charlie. He went in there so he could help his mom and help Bella. Both of them would have died if he hadn’t gone in there.”

“Take a walk, Chuck,” Peter said coolly. “When you can be in the same room as Edward without screaming at him, we’ll let you back in to see your daughter. For now, we have to preserve his mental health as much as possible. Come on. Let’s go.” Peter grabbed Charlie’s arm and dragged him out of the stairwell. “I’ll get a doctor or a nurse for Edward, Rose.”

“Thank you, Peter,” I said quietly. 

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I sat on the stool, praying to a God that I didn’t know if he would listen to me. Bella was sedated, but all I wanted was to see her gorgeous, espresso-colored eyes. I wanted to hear her beautiful voice, see her smile, hold her in my arms. I had to settle for holding her hand and watching her, seeing her chest rise and fall with each mechanical breath of the ventilator.

“Edward, the police are here,” said Sheri from the doorway. “They need to speak with you.”

“I don’t want to leave her,” I whispered.

“It won’t take long, Edward,” Sheri murmured, putting her hand on my shoulder. I jumped, uncomfortable with her touch. She quickly recoiled. “I’m sorry. Carlisle mentioned that you were injured.”

“It’s okay,” replied. “I just don’t like to be touched.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. I am very sorry for startling you,” she said sincerely. “I’ll stay next to her, keep her company.”

“Okay,” I sighed. I got up, stumbling a little bit since I was hungry and exhausted. I gave one longing look at my Bella. I bent down, kissing her temple. “I love you, bellisima. I’ll be back soon.” I ran my fingers down her cheek and left the room. Walking out into the waiting room, I saw Carlisle speaking to Agent Dean and Emmett. Rose was still gone, presumably still sleeping in the hotel room she mentioned. “The nurse, Sheri, said you needed to speak with me? Is Esme in custody?”

“She is. She had a flesh wound and was cared for at Forks Hospital. Agent Williamson and Chief Black are holding her in the Forks Police Department,” Agent Dean explained.

“What do you need from me?” I asked.

“Esme has completely gone off the rails,” Emmett growled. “She’s muttering in Portuguese and kept repeating a word, ‘Eleazar.’ Does that mean anything to you?”

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I journaled until my eyes felt like sand paper and my head was throbbing from exhaustion. It wasn’t until Ellie took the journal from my hand and pushed me onto the couch with a pillow, a tiny blanket and an eye mask that I stopped. I slept hard until Carlisle shook me awake. It was dim in the waiting room, the sun just peaking over the horizon.

“Bella?” I asked, my voice scratchy and sore.

“The doctors are here. They want to speak to you and Rose,” Carlisle said.

“And my mom?”

“She’s speaking with Dr. Benson and Dr. Banner. They came up here after I called them. Agent Dean sent the helicopter for them,” Carlisle explained. “Your mom is being observed under their care. But, talk to the doctors about Bella.”

“Will you come?” I asked, gripping his arm. “If she’s …”

“She’s not,” Carlisle whispered, hugging me. “But, I’ll go with you, son. Come on.”

I stiffly got up, following him into a small conference room off the waiting area. Rose was in there, looking disheveled and exhausted. I sat down next to her. She took my hand, threading our fingers together. Ellie was also in the room, speaking quietly on the phone. Turning, she said, “The doctor is on her way.”

“Thank you,” Rose said.

Ellie left the room, leaving the door open. Slipping inside, the small doctor who had spoken to me in the hallway sat down. She looked weary. “My name is Dr. Monroe and I was one of the doctors working on Isabella.”

“Bella,” I piped in. “She prefers to be called Bella.”

“Bella,” Dr. Monroe repeated. “Right. Bella is out of surgery and in recovery. She’s in a medically induced coma at this point. The bullet caused severe trauma to her lung, ribs and ended up just to the right of her spinal column.”

“You mentioned something about her heart,” I said, tightening my hand around Rose’s.

“Her heart is fine. Strong,” Dr. Monroe said, smiling. “With the x-rays and CT scans, the location was suspect, but thankfully, it didn’t cause any damage to her heart or pericardium. We will monitor that, but she’s in the clear for that.”

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Rose and I listened to the quiet whispers over the radio. It was hard to understand what they were saying, but we got the gist that the cabin and campground were abandoned and had been for some time. From Chief Black, it had been repossessed by the bank. The bank didn’t do anything with it except lock up all of the cabins and slap a ‘For Sale’ sign at the entrance. It had been left to rot for five years.

“We see Ms. Swan’s car,” Agent Dean hissed. “It’s about thirty feet from a small creek. It appears that there was a struggle. Guns out.”

“A struggle?” Rose growled. “If that bitch … oooh, I so want to kick her ass!”

“You’re not the only one,” I sneered. “If she hurt either one of them, I will not hold back. My mom taught me to never hit a woman, but I’d gladly break that rule for Bitchme.”

“She’s not a woman, Edward. She’s a fucking monster,” Rose said, her eyes blazing with anger. “I’ll hold her down while you give her a taste of her own medicine.” She smirked evilly while she cracked her knuckles. I returned her smirk, ready and willing to take her up on it.

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I don’t remember the ride back to the hotel. Carlisle had given me one of my anti-anxiety pills and a pain pill. I was numb, for which I was eternally grateful. I needed numb. The constant pain from my injuries and now my broken heart from Esme taking my mom, it was too much. I also felt badly for yelling at Bella. The pain in her eyes was almost too much to bear as I blamed her for everything.

She didn’t deserve my anger. If anything, I was the one to blame. It was my fault that the two women I loved were in this position. Bella was in danger because of Esme and was a walking target. My mom was an innocent bystander and would probably be killed because of Esme’s maliciousness. If that happened, I don’t know what I’d do.

Death sounds like a good option.

I shook off Esme’s evil voice from my mind, encouraging me to end it all. I couldn’t. I had to stay strong, though I didn’t have any strength left. I was so done.

“Edward, do you want anything to eat?” Bella asked, her voice quiet and her actions hesitant.

“I’m not hungry,” I whispered. “Just tired.”

“I can imagine,” she said, reaching for my hand. I let her take it, but I felt guilty accepting any sort of comfort from her. My mom was suffering because of me. I didn’t deserve anything that Bella was giving me. Her generosity, her kindness, her love … I truly was worthless. “Edward, I can see the hamster working in your head. Don’t go there.”

“Why not?” I asked, taking my hand back. “My mom is in this position because of me. It’s my fault! Everything is my fault!”

“It’s not, Edward,” she said, her tiny hands taking my face. 

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I was making some grilled cheese and tomato soup. I remember loving that when I was feeling down. My mom made the best grilled cheese, with American, cheddar, provolone and mozzarella. It was decadent and I hoped that Edward would like it, too. As I was dishing up the grilled cheese and pouring the creamy tomato soup into an oversized mug, Rose and Emmett walked in.

“Hey, guys,” I said. “I was just making Edward a snack. Obviously, today has been a cluster.” I picked up the plates and moved toward the bedroom.

“Unfortunately, the clusterfuck is about to get even more fucked up,” Emmett muttered his breath.

I looked at him, glaring at him. “What do you mean?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even.

“You can’t not tell her, Emmett,” Rose said, arching a brow.

“Sooooooo,” he hedged, running his hand through his cropped hair. “We did the search on Esme’s office and found a lot of damning evidence.”

“That’s good news,” I said, my stomach churning.

“It would be great news if a newbie patrol cop hadn’t fucking lost her,” Emmett snarled. “We went to formalize her arrest and she was gone. All of the employees were placed in a conference room. Esme Platt was not in that fucking room.”

The tray of food fell from my hands and I let out a god awful screech, clawing my hands into my hair. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET OUT?!” I screamed, running toward Emmett and slapping at his arms. He covered his face as I wailed on him. I was angry, livid at him, at the cop, at fucking Bitchme. I felt a pair of arms around my waist, dragging me away from a cowering Emmett. We slipped onto the floor and were both covered in tomato soup. I glared at Emmett with ire and loathing.

“Bellisima,” Edward said soothingly. “Breathe.”

“Emmett, tell Edward what you told me,” I sneered. “You’re supposed to protect him from her, Detective McCarty!”

“I’m sorry! I thought she was under control with Officer Maruzek,” Emmett frowned. “All of the employees, really. He’s one of the best on the force.”

“Apparently not, unless he’s under her influence,” I spat.

“Esme got away?” Edward asked quietly as he held me in his lap. 

Buying Love Teaser

I was making some grilled cheese and tomato soup. I remember loving that when I was feeling down. My mom made the best grilled cheese, with American, cheddar, provolone and mozzarella. It was decadent and I hoped that Edward would like it, too. As I was dishing up the grilled cheese and pouring the creamy tomato soup into an oversized mug, Rose and Emmett walked in.

“Hey, guys,” I said. “I was just making Edward a snack. Obviously, today has been a cluster.” I picked up the plates and moved toward the bedroom.

“Unfortunately, the clusterfuck is about to get even more fucked up,” Emmett muttered his breath.

I looked at him, glaring at him. “What do you mean?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even.

“You can’t not tell her, Emmett,” Rose said, arching a brow.

“Sooooooo,” he hedged, running his hand through his cropped hair. “We did the search on Esme’s office and found a lot of damning evidence.”

“That’s good news,” I said, my stomach churning.

“It would be great news if a newbie patrol cop hadn’t fucking lost her,” Emmett snarled. “We went to formalize her arrest and she was gone. All of the employees were placed in a conference room. Esme Platt was not in that fucking room.”

The tray of food fell from my hands and I let out a god awful screech, clawing my hands into my hair. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET OUT?!” I screamed, running toward Emmett and slapping at his arms. He covered his face as I wailed on him. I was angry, livid at him, at the cop, at fucking Bitchme. I felt a pair of arms around my waist, dragging me away from a cowering Emmett. We slipped onto the floor and were both covered in tomato soup. I glared at Emmett with ire and loathing.

“Bellisima,” Edward said soothingly. “Breathe.”

“Emmett, tell Edward what you told me,” I sneered. “You’re supposed to protect him from her, Detective McCarty!”